If you are like a lot of people in the modern day world, you have been awfully wounded or wronged, abused or mistreated and to add insult to injury, it was more than likely done at the hand of a family member or trusted friend. The pain it has brought to your life will not depart and you are in an emotional prison as a result.
It may be that over the course of time, justice is being delivered when or if those responsible are made to pay for the injustice or pain they inflicted on you. It may not be justice, perhaps, it may be the results of what they did has come back full circle to hurt them due to their past behavior.
However, to believe that retribution or some form of justice will bring the healing and assurance critical to move on, is to be mislead and is a set-up for major dissatisfaction. And, what if justice is never delivered and people who let you down or caused such terrible pain, never pay for it in any fashion? Now what do you do?
Like it or not, the only real way to true healing and restoration is thru giving forgiveness to the one who created the pain in your life. Surely, many will cringe at the thought of forgiving the one accountable for so much agony in their lives. From a human or "rational" viewpoint, it makes almost no sense in any way. Yet, there's no bigger power to allow us to go from the pain, brought on us by someone else, than to pardon the person who caused it.
Not being willing to forgive is deleterious and can cause terrible consequences. It's like a fire that smolders in the heart and smothers the soul. It's so insidious that one can be totally ignorant of the damage it does, till it is too late.
People who are unwilling to forgive live as victims and spend plenty of their time and energy justifying it. They are obsessed with the incorrect done to them and are fast to point out, to anyone that will listen, the lack of understanding people have concerning how much they have suffered or the pain they have endured. In truth, they are right. The majority can't, nor will they ever, actually understand the the hurting of someone else. Yet, what is the benefit of remaining in that misery and attempting to draw others into that unhappiness together with them? There is absolutely no healing in that?
Unforgiving people are quick to . They can be extremely responsive to any wrongs cast on them, regardless of how tiny the offense was. They are obsessed with the wrong actions that happened to them in the past and are totally certain no no one’s life is as unpleasant as theirs were. They take pleasure in the power their pain appears to give them over friends and enemies alike, as they need more and more pity and understanding. They are oblivious to the pain their refusing to forgive inflicts on people and not even caring that focusing all their attention on their own pain only serves to make everyone else around them unhappy. In short, unforgiving people are some of the most unhappy people in the world. All signs that might, if they were listening, cold alert them to the damage being done to their souls, as they decide on their own to live out their lives not forgiving others.
If being unwilling to forgive is an issue for you, as it is for so many individuals, what can be done about it? The very first thing, is to recognize that your Heavenly Father has extended an offer of unconditional forgiveness to you, should you decide to accept the offer. You receive it by believing in His Son Jesus Christ and confessing that He's Lord and then requesting for God's forgiveness. God’s Word says we are all sinners and in need of God forgiving us so we will be reconciled to Him.
Once you receive His forgiveness, the Bible tells us that the power you will receive is that of Our Lord God, thru His Holy Spirit who comes to reside inside of you, to do the things He asks you to do, like forgiving others no matter how horrible the violation or abuse. It doesn't mean you deny the evildoing or pain it caused or that you try to excuse it or justify it in any fashion. It might be disingenuous and demeaning not to recognize and acknowledge something extraordinarily cruel and inexcusable was done to you and that it never should have happened. To do therefore would minimize the seriousness of His forgiving and its ability to heal a broken heart and a devastated soul.
Forgiving others does not always mean you do not remember. Nevertheless as the healing takes place, the memory of the situation won't trigger the sheer emotions it once did. The memories instead will begin to fade and their hold will diminish. Rather than hitting all of your buttons, the memory will be more about the time you pardoned or the method of compassion you have made a commitment to.
Forgiving others isn't just some good feeling or altered emotion towards another. Forgiveness is an act of the will. We have got the responsibility, and the authority as children of The Lord God, to offer to others the forgiveness that God has given us. That's what Jesus tells us in Matthew 18:21-35, and be assured He wouldn't tell us to do something we didn't have the power to do thru Him!
Where does forgiveness start, presuming the one who needs to forgive has been forgiven by God, is now in relationship with Him and has His power to offer it to another? This could come as a surprise, but step 1 is to examine what's happened to our heart following the wounding or offense. Did it result in deep-seated anger, acrimony or acrimony? Did we talk unlovingly about them to others? Did we retaliate in some way? If this is so we are pretty much as guilty before God as our offender and we must confess that to Him. Regardless of what they originally did to us, we must confess our loathing, antagonism or angriness towards our offender. This doesn't in any fashion decrease or affirm their action. Its purpose is to allow our heart to be cleansed from our own wicked reaction to the offense, in order that it is free to forgive and be healed.
Another forceful step to add in the forgiving process is to praise your offender every time you think about what they did and the pain they caused you. I Peter 3:8-9 tells uss ;
"To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, loving, kindhearted and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the purpose that you could inherit a blessing."
When you bless others who have hurt or cursed you, God says, you will receive a blessing as a result. Blessings promote healing, for every party involved, those that have offended or hurt you. That's God's ultimate wish, that all involved be healed, forgiven and revived.
You may write a letter that you don't SEND to the person that hurt you. Tell them everything that they did that hurt you and how you're feeling as a result. If you are angry with them, tell them. Be particularly fair. Writing touches the emotional side of our brain and allows us to get in touch with what we are actually feeling. It's been said that most Christians are stuck in their anger because they deny it exists.
Get beside and alone with Almighty God, once you've written everything you wish to say and read it aloud to Him, making absolutely sure that no one else can hear you. After you have said ( and yelled ) everything you wished to say and make a conscious choice to give forgiveness, remembering you can only really give forgiveness with the Lord God's help and power. Then say, "In Jesus Name (because that's where your power and authority comes from) I forgive you".
List the name(s) of your offender and say specifically what you are forgiving them for. The next step should be "I release you and I bless you." When you bless them, try blessing them in each way you want God to praise you. You will soon begin to notice that joy and blessings and love will start to flow in your heart and life again. Be certain to destroy the letter!
While restoration of a damaged relationship is a deserving goal, there are circumstances and situations where it isn't possible or realistic; like when the offender has died or is no longer psychologically cognizant. Or when a person has been the victim of rape. With no regard for the crime or agony inflicted on the victim, there will be no healing apart from forgiveness and there will be no forgiveness apart from the power of Almighty God to do so.
God longs for you to be set free from the prison of unforgiveness and guarantees you the power to do it. Take a step forward by asking Him and your prison doors could swing open in minutes. Let God's transforming power of forgiveness flood your heart and you will never be the same.
"And so I discovered that it's not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness the world's healing hinges, but on God's. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, together with the command, the love itself." Corrie Ten Boom.
To discover more about pursing an intimate relationship with God and experiencing His love that will that will lead you to a life of freedom click on: How To Forgive Someone
To watch our video click on: How To Forgive Someone
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